Why borderlines punish

You will be in a no-win position. People with BPD until and unless they get enough therapy to get past this not knowing who they really are — lacking a consistent known stable sense of self — have no inner-container t — o hold their feelings.

Feelings that are often triggered in the here-and-now but that are way deeper and more intense then the here-and-now because the person with BPD feels them all the way back to the age at which they experienced the abandonment, trauma, perceived abandonment, that causes arrested emotional development.

What people on the other side of Borderline Personality are likely to experience is not predictable and can be highly individual with each person with BPD though each person will have his or her own patterned way of punishing. They will also try to blame you for what you did to them while they are punishing you. They are doing something to you, silent treatment, withdrawing, raging, screaming, accusing, etc. They collapse both to victim and persecutor at the same time.

It can feel crazy-making if you try to approach it rationally because it is all triggered dysregulated layers of intense emotion that lacks rationality in the here and now. This is a very difficult aspect of BPD for those diagnosed with it and still in or just beginning recovery to gain awareness into and to accept.

Why people with BPD punish is a complex layered unravelling that takes place when they are triggered and their emotions are dysregulated. Many are not aware of this. Many on the other side of someone with BPD who have no frame of reference for this are hurt, confused, distanced. At a deep level, they believe they deserve punishment; their self-harm acts out this belief.

The rage of people with borderline personality disorder, which often occurs in response to apparently small issues, may actually be totally justified — a delayed expression of anger with the perpetrator of their abuse.

And their memory blanks and out-of-body responses to stress may be attempts to repress recollections of abuse and to escape from trauma. Not all traumas stem from physical or sexual abuse. Emotional neglect or deprivation can also be difficult for people to identify and define.

They can, nonetheless, leave a mark for years to come. These stress hormones impact brain circuits and centres that determine anger or emotional control and higher learning. Women with this condition can also have cortisol-induced cyclical reproductive changes , leading to menstrual cycle-related depression, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, increased facial hair, infertility and ovarian cysts.

All these long-lasting mental and physical symptoms appear to have their origins in a history of early life trauma with biological brain changes. There are effective psychological treatments, such as dialectical behavioural therapy , for borderline personality disorder but health professionals have to recognise and explain the condition before appropriate care can be provided. Are you aware of the many ways that you are hurting not only those around you but yourself?

Mahari masterfully explains how and why those with Borderline Personality Disorder punish others and seek revenge on those closest to them. It leaves loved ones exhausted, feeling lost to themselves often, frustrated, hurt, and in some cases feeling like maybe they are losing their minds. Many wonder if the person in their lives with BPD is actually two or more people because the attitudes and behavior displayed in the all-bad side of the splitting cycle are so mean, cruel, often abusive, and so unlike who they thought their loved one was or who they still hope the loved one really is.

Is it his or her way or the highway? Is it his or her way or cycles of punishment and revenge? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder BPD is and means when it comes to relationships.

The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy — it leaves them feeling engulfed. Either way, what borderlines end up feeling is treated unfairly. For both loved ones, and indeed those with BPD a toxic relational dynamic emerges and is repeated in cyclical and patterned ways.